That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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