His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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