I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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