my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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