So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
