i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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