I feel great
I just peed on a car
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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