Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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