you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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