Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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