I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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