1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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