I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
