I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
