I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
