at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
