so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
