tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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