cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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