im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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