I smell stomach acid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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