Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
