If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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