i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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