Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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