I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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