walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
