I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
