Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
