good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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