Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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