i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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