I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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