i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
