i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize