Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
