the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
