last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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