i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
