I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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