marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
