New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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