in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
