Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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