He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
