I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
