and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
