Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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