I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
