i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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