literally had 100 drinks last night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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