On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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