Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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