It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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