U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
