Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
do herpes really smell.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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