Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
