Whod you bang
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
