I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
