i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
