I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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