if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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