There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
